The Office Inbetweener

SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5…

Order the hot wings before your date

Since separating from my ex-wife, I’ve only really ‘dated’ one girl. Really? But you seem like such a catch Sean. I know, right?

Okay, so I get that a large part of this is self-inflicted but at the same time; there were girls whom I would’ve loved to have seen again but for whatever reason (mainly because the feeling wasn’t mutual), things didn’t work out. Caroline was the exception.

Remember how I’d previously mentioned that Northern Monkey had teed me up with that line from ‘How I met your Mother’?

Oh no that’s right; you’d only know that if you read my book. Oh well. I guess you’re just going to have to buy a copy then aren’t you? *

katie-cassidy-winking

Forget the wink. Look at the little tongue poke!

Well it was with her. And such was his commitment to my cause that night that he even came back to her place to ensure that her friend – who was from out-of-town and staying with her – wouldn’t throw a spanner in the works.

And by that I don’t mean that he hooked up with her. He simply kept talking to her whilst Caroline and I were making out in the corner until she eventually passed out on the bed.

I didn’t actually sleep with her that night. I wanted to of course but she was having none of it. Partly because she wasn’t that sort of girl but partly because her friend had relegated us to the living room couch. And I’m sure ‘that’ would’ve violated acceptable hygiene rules when you’re living with six other women. Six other men; I’m not so sure?

So the next morning when she asked if I was actually going to call her, I responded ‘yes’. Not just to get into her pants – though this did happen the next time we met – but also as there was just something about her.

Unfortunately the timing wasn’t great. And due to a month-long holiday that she’d planned before we met and a return up north for Christmas, I only saw her twice in the two months that followed. But we stayed in touch the whole time and not only was I really excited to see her again in January, I was even beginning to think:

Maybe this could go somewhere?

I forget now who we’d played but Arsenal had won the early KO game that Saturday and my instructions were to pick up two bottles of wine before heading to hers that afternoon. Luckily there’s a Tesco Express opposite Gloucester Road tube station. There’s also a KFC.

So after confirming my wine selection with her, I popped in for an amuse-bouche (a Fillet Tower box meal) before the main course. Of SEX.

Now in addition to being fairer than most Tamils, not having hair like a LEGO character and not being able to speak our language; the other telltale sign that I may in fact be the milkman’s son, is that I have a very low tolerance for spicy food. And although I knew it could lead to trouble later on, the Asian in me just couldn’t let the hot wings go to waste.

powers spicy food

Caroline’s place was only 5 minutes away from the station and I was conscious that she might be wondering where I was. But after the beers at the football, I couldn’t take any chances and nipped downstairs to take a leak.

Noticing there was no one else in the gents I decided that was also an opportune moment to relieve some wind as I was feeling a little bloated after my feast.

It seems that the Colonel might have been lying all these years and may also have hailed from South Asia. That or my stomach was way more sensitive than I’d realised, as within seconds I’d managed to shit myself.

Thankfully I hadn’t put my back into it. But I’d lifted my right leg off the floor ever so slightly for comfort, meaning some debris had reached some places it really shouldn’t have.

I clasped my butt-cheeks together as tightly as possible once I’d realised what had happened and contemplated my next move. I needed to get to the cubicle post-haste but was also very conscious of doing further damage. So much like the way Spiderman moves along an apartment windowsill when he’s searching for the bad guys, I carefully side-stepped my way to freedom.

There was no time to dither and I simply went for it Shit Break style; complete with shudders, squeals and the occasional knee jerks.

american-pie

I don’t care what you say. The original Pie is still a classic.

Thirty minutes, five flushes and numerous tears later, the evacuation was complete. Don’t quote me on this but the radius of the toilet roll was about 10cms when I got there and around 7.5cms when I was done. But as if what I’d gone through wasn’t bad enough, I still had to clean myself up and make it to Caroline’s, who by then had rung me three times.

I’m not sure how many of you have been in similar situations as an adult but trying to manoeuvre your way out of shit soaked underwear is no easy task. As not only does one need to avoid contact between turd and skin but also between turded clothes and non-turded clothes.

Slipping my trainers off was easy enough. My jeans on the other hand were a lot trickier; especially as they were bunched up around my ankles with my boxers. Yet somehow I managed it without any visible transfer.

I couldn’t handle the thought of my bare feet potentially coming into contact with anything so kept my socks on as I lifted my feet up and carefully slid my boxers off, flicking them as far away as possible from me with my right foot (which in reality was only about 50cm). I don’t know if the person on cleaning duty that day will ever read this story but all I can say is:

Sir / Ma’am, I truly am so sorry for what I put you through and if you can prove to me that you were that person, I’d like to take you out for dinner. Though not at KFC.

Even though I’d successfully ‘disposed’ of my boxers I was still very concerned that there might actually be shit on me and though incredibly risky, I took the decision to exit the cubicle and ‘wash myself’ at one of the sinks. And by that I mean, throw handfuls of water onto my thighs and butt-cheeks and run back inside to dry myself off with the remaining 7.5cms.

Sorry, but I’d like you to take some time to picture just how awful this situation was. I mean there I was; a grown man, sneaking around a KFC toilet in only a jumper and socks, throwing water on his nether regions.

austen-brothers-3033Like this but not nearly as fun

All I can say is, thank god a kid didn’t walk in as there’s a strong chance you wouldn’t even be reading this story on account of my being in fucking jail! But I figured I’d made Caroline wait that long. The least I could do was turn up not looking like shit. Literally.

So after the most nerve-racking minute of my life and a couple more flushes, I was finally ‘ready’ for my date.

I called Caroline straight away to explain the delay, siting a very important call from a family member. In an ideal world I would’ve told her the truth and the first thing I’d have done when I got to her place would be to take a shower and burn my clothes. But clearly this wasn’t appropriate behaviour for a fourth date (third really, if you think about it).

So when it eventually got to the part where we’d be doing the Wild Thing, my hope was that it’d be with the lights off and my clothing preferably buried somewhere on the other side of the room.

But you know what they say about the best laid plans.

I don’t know if it was just because we hadn’t seen one another in over three weeks but we completely skipped the pleasantries and started going at it on the staircase up to her room.

Me: “Erm, shouldn’t we probably go to your room?”

Caroline: “It’s ok, my flat mates are all out.” And with that she pushed me up against a wall in the landing before ordering me to take my jumper off.

Now on the previous occasions we’d been together the sex was good but it was fairly vanilla. And getting head wasn’t even remotely on the cards. So when her mouth started moving downhill, so too did my earlier plans. Fuck it. You’re about to get your dick sucked.

I still recall her surprise upon noticing that I wasn’t wearing any underwear and I dismissed it with a truly awful line that I just can’t bear repeating. However it seemed to do the trick as she quickly returned to unfastening my buttons and pulling my jeans down. All that was left for me to do was, well… nothing really.

bill-clinton-funny-55fb8

I was just like Clinton all those years ago with Lewinsky, except there seemed to be a distinct lack of sucking. And when I peered down to investigate, Caroline was actually underneath my cock, seemingly fascinated by something on the floor.

Although I had a fair idea of how this might end, I played dumb and asked her if everything was ok? To which she responded “oh god, I think I’m going to be sick”, before running down the stairs to the bathroom.

With her head no longer obstructing my view, I leant forward for a better look and running down the back of my right, WHITE sock was a solid streak of turd… I was wrong.

This relationship wasn’t going anywhere.

If you liked this then I suspect you might also enjoy my book. Or not.

Either way, thanks for reading; particularly to those of you who share these stories and/or leave comments.

200 comments on “Order the hot wings before your date

  1. halfeatenmind
    18th January 14

    Loools…turds on your socks….that was horrible though, thankkfully you bounced back from that incident. My advice…carry baby wipes around with you…and avoid spicy food. Boiled cabbage should be fine :)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      18th January 14

      Baby wipes saved me on more than one occasion when I was travelling man… Roger that on the boiled cabbage.

      Like

  2. cupidgoesfishing
    19th January 14

    Wow…. should I be glad that our plans for a date when I was in Blighty a few weeks ago didn’t work out? :) Or maybe next time I should just bring some Depends with me and we can go out for a good spicy curry! xx

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      19th January 14

      Presumably Depends is some form of adult diaper..? But yes, perhaps it was for the best. Though it was a shame we couldn’t make it happen. If we ever do meet, curry will most certainly NOT be on the menu. It’s like fucking kryptonite to me!

      Like

      • cupidgoesfishing
        20th January 14

        Depends is that – adult diapers!
        You do realize the second best place to get a good curry is London….but fine, we can go elsewhere although I am completely vetoing fish and chips!
        I’ll be back in the summer I expect. We’ll make it happen :)

        Like

    • Sean Smithson
      19th January 14

      Oh. And by that last comment I don’t mean it’s like the act of actually trying to penetrate a green rock. I was simply trying to infer that it renders me completely useless.

      Like

  3. Doctor Whatever
    19th January 14

    This reminds me of ‘battle of shits’ from Harold and Harry!! ROFL

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      19th January 14

      Oh man. I just had to Google that (I thought you might have meant Harold and Kumar)… Yup, it was pretty similar. Though my experience had a lot more limb shaking.

      Like

      • Doctor Whatever
        19th January 14

        I meant Harold and kumar. Lol. . I remember “battle of shits” more promptly than the movie name :p

        And, your story will keep my craving for KFC hot wings at bay, which was a hard thing to do before. Thank you.

        Like

  4. Trent Lewin
    19th January 14

    Dude, I laughed so hard my kids asked me if I was okay… don’t worry, I didn’t read the story to them. What a total schnozzle – but a great story. Thanks for the laughs. Holy crap… And I dunno, the Tesco reference set me off too, cause that’s a part of my old hood.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sean Smithson
      19th January 14

      If I made you laugh that hard then my work here is done man…

      Though tell me more about Tesco. Do you mean you used to work there? If so, don’t tell me it was at that branch?!

      Like

      • Trent Lewin
        20th January 14

        No, nothing like that, I left when I was 8. I remember Tesco being that great shrine where all my dreams came true… or something like that. I was kind of a twit as a kid.

        Like

  5. El Guapo
    20th January 14

    I’d like to say I sympathize with you.
    But really, that’s beyond my wors-
    Oh, wait…

    You have my full sympathy.

    Was there a follow up date?

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      20th January 14

      A visit from the Guap? This is big.

      Ha. Thanks for the sympathy man. And unfortunately no. I tried naturally but I think some hurdles are too big to overcome…

      Like

  6. TIA
    21st January 14

    I havent laughed this much in a long time……and I laugh alot! I have to know how it ended….A handshake…A hug…..Lets take a raincheck….. Awesome! :)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      21st January 14

      Glad to hear it Tia. And you’re only the second person to ask me that.

      As I mentioned to V above, I shouted out to her if she minded if I kept the wine and then dragged my shitty arse out of there.

      I did text her later to see if we could move past it but I guess there are some things you just can’t forget, hey..?

      Like

  7. Madame Weebles
    21st January 14

    Criminy, man. I’m speechless. And you know this doesn’t usually happen to me.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      21st January 14

      It seems I have shocked many readers with this one. But to leave YOU speechless? I am currently a very happy man. Which certainly makes up for the way I felt that day…

      PS – Thank you for criminy. I’d never come across that before.

      Like

  8. charlypriest
    22nd January 14

    Where do you get this stories! Don´t know don´t care, but you make me roll around in the floor with laughter….like a little girl.
    Long time no read you Mr. Smith! Had fun reading this one too, actually have fun reading all, and no I won´t send you naked pictures. You gave me an idea, going to write a dirty post and post it tomorrow, see if someone reads it and if I get some more enemies.

    Stay Frosty gent.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      23rd January 14

      Yeah, I hadn’t done any posts in a while man. But I’m glad to see that you’re still enjoying them.

      As for where I get them..? Embarrassing things just keep happening to me man, what can I say.

      Like

      • charlypriest
        23rd January 14

        Hope you keep getting in embarrassing things, hope to read a book from you.
        Stay Frosty gent.

        Like

  9. Pixie Girl
    23rd January 14

    Wow. That’s quite some ‘first post’ to read on one’s blog ;) I’ll be back, despite the feeling in my stomach…

    …or maybe because of it?… *shh*

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      23rd January 14

      Yes, sorry about that. Though I’m afraid that’s pretty much the level of intellect / writing you can expect over here. I understand if you choose to stop reading…

      Like

  10. La La
    24th January 14

    Oh man, I would have laughed in your face. This is awesome. Thank you for sharing it.

    Like

  11. Marian Green
    26th January 14

    Oh my dear goodness gracious. I’m having to suppress my laughter because I’m reading this in bed (not alone! Yay!) and don’t want to wake my companion. It’s a struggle. A lovely struggle.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      26th January 14

      Ha. Well I’m very pleased to hear that you’re laughing. Though I’m sorry about the struggle…

      I hope you didn’t wake him, the lucky bastard.

      Like

  12. samara
    26th January 14

    Oh. My. Good. God.

    I get these little boxes popping up, “people you follow, follow THIS.” And I wonder, yeah, whatever. How much do they pay WordPress for that?

    So I clicked. And read. I’m separated. No dating. No. Way.

    Hilarious. Sad. Disgusting. Okay, I’m following. Whatever you paid WP, you got your money’s worth.

    What IS it with Fuck her to the Max, or Max Fucker her, or whoever that is? All I know is, teenagers keep telling me about this dude who screws chicks with colostomy bags. Just so he can say he effed the shit out of them. Is this a running theme here?

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      26th January 14

      “Hilarious. Sad. Disgusting.” Maybe I should have used that as the title of my book..?

      Ha. I can assure you that no money exchanged hands. Though it’s lovely to have you on board – many of the people I follow, follow YOU. I can see why.

      As regards your last point; I believe you’re talking about Tucker Max, right? If so, I have never come across that colostomy bag concept – if that’s true, it’s disgusting. Certainly no running theme… This just happened to be another rather embarrassing incident that I thought I’d share.

      Like

      • samara
        26th January 14

        Yes, Tucker Max, indeed.

        And this is in one of his books. But aren’t all of his books about how many women he nailed in college?

        I am a new fan of yours.

        The separated/divorced dating scene here is so horrific, I wouldn’t even post about it. You are brave AND funny. Carry on!

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          26th January 14

          Thank you kindly Samara. I really appreciate that. Ah yes okay, I see where you were coming from now…

          But my book is actually the complete opposite. It’s a collection of the times that I’ve blown it with women. There have been many unfortunately.

          Like

          • samara
            26th January 14

            I will have to check it out.

            Or at least more of your blog.

            Dating sucks. Women are idiots. Hang in there.

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            26th January 14

            Dating does suck. Men definitely are too.

            Like

  13. Julie
    27th January 14

    count me as another dumbfounded reader.. I am not sure how I would have reacted. I suppose it depends on exactly how the poop was lined. Chunky? Still wet? Combo? A lot of smell lingering? ( sorry just threw up in my mouth a little bit) HA similar to the saying that Eskimos have several different words for snow. You now need different words for poop socks.

    The only thing that would have made this any better would have been someone innocently walking in while you waddled about half undressed!

    Why are poop stories so funny and repulsive at the same time?

    Even the comments are thought provoking, some things I just take for granted everyone knows. I suppose everything I had to make up a definition for in what you wrote is equal to your “Depends”. You made up the right answer. I probably did too. or close enough.

    PS I must correct my email timing….. however I was feeling no pain at the time, busy working out with my 12 oz curls!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      27th January 14

      Ah. Welcome back my dear. Though I’m really sorry to say that I don’t think I understood about half of this comment?

      I was alright with the whole ‘what type of poop was it?’. To which the answer is always, the WRONG TYPE. But the second half left me a bit stumped…

      Have you been drinking?

      Like

      • Julie
        27th January 14

        Not yet today, I haven’t even had lunch yet. I don’t like to start drinking until I have had at least one meal. ;D

        How did you not notice the sock? or did it not leave a trail down your leg? was it a jumper?

        Are you stumped with the cultural aspects of our language? When I read the comment about ‘depends’ I knew exactly what she was talking about. You guessed correctly.

        you mentioned wearing your “jumper”. I don’t believe a male here would be caught dead in what I believe a jumper to mean.

        I guess I found more questionable terms in this post that I had to make up meanings for.

        Sheesh Sean. I haven’t been away that long!

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          27th January 14

          Okay, I’ve re-read all the comments and the actual story and I still don’t know what the ‘depends’ comment is..? HELP ME!

          Ha. When I say jumper, I guess I mean what you’d call a sweatshirt? Not some knitted item that my dad would wear.

          With regard to the sock, I think it must’ve got there when I kicked the boxers off of me. And when I was performing the ‘clean-up operation’ I was mainly focused on my butt cheeks and the area around my junk.

          We good now?

          Like

      • Julie
        27th January 14

        Cupidgoesfishing said:

        19th January 14

        “Wow…. should I be glad that our plans for a date when I was in Blighty a few weeks ago didn’t work out? :) Or maybe next time I should just bring some Depends with me and we can go out for a good spicy curry! xx”

        Depends are adult diapers. Just as you guessed. Am I paying too close attention? I don’t want you to think I am stalking you…

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          27th January 14

          Ahhhhh… I see. And don’t worry, if anyone’s stalking anyone, it’s probably me.

          Like

      • Julie
        27th January 14

        Little girls wear jumpers here. totally different animal.

        Like

  14. intothebeauty
    27th January 14

    Holy Shit! Like, literally I guess. Man, you have the worst luck sometimes.

    You know all those times when women say, “You should have told me the truth! It would have turned out better than if you lied.”

    Yeahh, you probably could have spared her the most dank smelling date ever.
    :)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      27th January 14

      I know, right? In hindsight, I definitely should have just gone home. But you know, there was potential for some p-in-va-g… That always comes first Lara.

      Like

  15. Marie
    28th January 14

    I’m amazed by your reluctance to have told her the reason for your being late. This would have been perfect 2-3rd date ice breaker conversation. A great way to weed out the unworthy “Oh you don’t think this is funny? OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!” you know, like the princess and the pea story. Not that I’m comparing your jewels to a pea. But maybe I am…

    Did I miss out the part where you explain what you did with the soiled boxers?

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      28th January 14

      Marie! Lovely to see you again.

      What? Are you crazy? No one wants to hear that, surely. And the pea comparison is about right actually.

      It seems you did my dear. For they were left behind at KFC and were also the reason for the stain on my sock… Tut, tut. The Marie I used to know wouldn’t have missed that kind of detail.

      Like

      • Marie
        28th January 14

        I was wondering about the trash, and the person who may have rummaged through the trash, and their finding. People do rummage through the trash right? I missed that part.

        I’ve returned to the roller derby track, and I’ve also returned to a world of pain, so that’s my excuse for missing details. I was also stumped by the term jumper. What’s a jumper? I tend to imagine it’s that one-piece suit babies wear to make them look like train engineers. Then with that mental image, I pictured you, everything wrapped around your ankles, hopping around the public restrooms of a KFC, sweating frantically. And then I thought of the pea. And laughed. And prayed you wouldn’t get caught, naked, a chunk of dung hanging from that sausage link you wished you hadn’t eaten the day before suddenly feeling very sympathetic to all the dogs in the world who endure that daily. So I apologize if I missed out on the details of what you did with the soiled boxers. All this because I don’t know what a jumper is, nor do I understand why that term is used if its reference to a t-shirt, or a sweatshirt, or anything that isn’t made for jumping around in… :)

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          28th January 14

          Ha. You’re the second person to take issue with my use of that word. Perhaps I should change it for the book..?

          Like

          • Marie
            28th January 14

            don’t change a thing. just let us in on the secret of what it is… i’m still clueless.

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            28th January 14

            Ah okay. I think it’s what you guys would call a sweatshirt. Or a pullover. Do you have those?

            Like

          • Marie
            28th January 14

            No. We don’t have sweatshirts or pullovers here. We just go by in life shirtless and freezing. :) We most likely call them hoodies (if they actually have a hood, which is a strong pre-requisite for being called a hoodie).

            Like

  16. girlseule
    30th January 14

    This is the second time I read this and I laughed just as much. So, so many shades of wrong! Loved it.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      30th January 14

      Honestly, that would make an awesome book title: “So many shades of Wrong”. I wonder if I change mine..?

      The fact that you are laughing the second time around makes me very happy. Thank you Evie.

      Like

  17. curvyroads
    1st February 14

    Oh Sean, this is the second post I have read of yours and OH MY! Sorry to have laughed, but now I am following. Does that make me weird? BTW, thanks for the like on my 2013 post.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      1st February 14

      Ha. Judging from some of the other responses to this post, I’d say it makes you perfectly normal. Apparently people seem to enjoy laughing at my misfortune..? I hope the other posts don’t disappoint.

      No worries on the ‘like’. You definitely experienced a lot in 2013.

      Like

  18. Blossom Brouillard
    2nd February 14

    This is priceless! Nasty…but priceless. I probably would have begged off. Cuz when it comes to montezuma’s revenge, you can never be quite sure when you’re out of the woods in the first 24 hours. I would have been terrified of “burping in my pants” so to speak, during sex! And wroth a woman’s anatomy, but sure clenched ass cheeks and sex can even be done.
    Great humor aside (and it’s pretty damn great) what struck me the most about this was your sweet enthusiasm about seeing her again. I LOVE that!!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      2nd February 14

      I honestly thought she was the one! Clearly not…

      Glad you enjoyed it. And by the way after reading your comment on the ‘How to STAY single’ piece, it seems like you may be under the impression that this is a blog about dating and such? I guess in some ways it is but most of the material will be fairly crude, poorly written trash… I understand it you stop reading.

      PS – ‘Burping in my pants’: I may steal that.

      Like

      • Blossom Brouillard
        2nd February 14

        Sean, are you getting shy on me now?

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          2nd February 14

          If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s shy – at least on the blog. I was merely letting you know what you were getting yourself in for by choosing to read these stories.

          Sounds to me like you’ll be just fine though.

          Like

          • Blossom Brouillard
            2nd February 14

            Have you read my stories?? I will be reposting ” Stephen..
            the end of my re-virgination period” about my hook up with a 28 year old after 12 years with no action!

            Like

          • Blossom Brouillard
            2nd February 14

            That’s very sweet of you. Thank you. You seem like a nice guy.

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            2nd February 14

            A nice guy who’s more than capable of being a dick at times… But thanks.

            Like

          • Blossom Brouillard
            2nd February 14

            If that’s true, at least you’re giving women a shot at better understanding men. I love that. Also love the fact that you are so open. I’m so accustomed to being shut down by older gens ( when I was your age( that I’m loving the opportunity to be so candid! Although I often find myself (albeit metaphorically) looking over my shoulder waiting to be yelled at by someone to keep those thoughts to myself…like that one! Lol

            Like

      • Blossom Brouillard
        2nd February 14

        You’ve got a book deal. It can’t be that poorly written! I like what I’ve read so far. It’s honest. Or am I being naive about that as well?

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          2nd February 14

          Oh no, there’s no deal; I’m self-publishing. I’m just doing so through a traditional publisher rather than on my own. It’s most certainly honest. Sometimes too much so!

          Like

          • Blossom Brouillard
            2nd February 14

            I’m guilty of the same thing. And Good for you!! Is it an ebook? Let me know. I’ll buy it.

            Like

  19. MissSteele
    7th February 14

    First of all, congratulations once again on your book. I may have to just buy a copy. Secondly, I had no idea you were once married. Did I miss something? Am I not as observant as I thought I was? Perhaps this is the coke talking, but I had no idea.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      7th February 14

      Thank you (once again) Miss Steele. I’d be honoured if you picked up a copy but no pressure. Plus I’m sure there are much better ways to spend one’s money…

      Ha. No it’s probably my fault as I’ve deleted one or two posts – not that I go into much detail about it all mind you.

      I do mention being divorced on my about page though. Which is probably why I just drop it in there every now and again.

      Like

  20. butimbeautiful
    10th February 14

    I always thought guys shitting themselves was something that only happens in American movies and not in real life. Guess it must be to do with standing up to pee. Cause when women pee they often crap too, but there isn’t an issue, for obvious reasons. Now when they invent urinals for women…or when women feel free to just let off a blast any place, THEN we’ll start featuring in shitty-pants stories!

    Like

  21. lifeconfusions
    13th March 14

    HAHAHAHA, I don’t know when, how or why I missed this !!! I’m sorry you had to experience that but I’m not sorry we got this story out of it ! If this is how great your book is going to be, Congrats on the next best book of the town.
    Although I don’t understand one thing, Being an Asian, how do you not have a tolerance for spice??? Asia IS spice !

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      13th March 14

      You’re too kind my dear. Thank you very much. I’m actually going to make an announcement about the book next week. Hopefully people shan’t be disappointed with it.

      Ha. With regard to the spices, I honestly have no idea?! I must’ve been switched at birth.

      Like

      • lifeconfusions
        14th March 14

        Disappointment and Sean’s book are like the antonyms of each other..Puft !
        And you better digging out your birth certificate because I think you are right ! :D

        Like

  22. adventuresofeponine
    22nd March 14

    Omg, I shouldn’t have read this one. The image if the sock is seared into my mind. I think that any temporary lusty feelings I felt for you have been replaced by the turd sock. Lol, though!

    Like

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This entry was posted on 16th January 14 by in Relationship Dos & DONTS and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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