The Office Inbetweener

SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5…

How to STAY single in your 30s

MODERN DAY DATING TIPS FOR THE SINGLE MAN

They say: “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone soon, I know it.” “You should meet my friend. She’ll be perfect for you.” “Hang in there. It just takes time…”

I say: Fuck off. Maybe I’m actually okay being single.

Contrary to what many people think, being single in your 30s isn’t actually the end of the world. Sure Friends re-runs are better with company. But at least you have complete control of the remote.

Then there’s the fact that unlike your taken friends, you get to drink as much as you like and behave like a complete wanker at weddings and need explain your actions to no one. Except if you ruin the wedding of course – I’ve come close.

And finally, there’s sex. Whilst it does seem counter-intuitive that being single would actually result in you getting more action than your coupled-up chums. Ask any of your friends in long-term relationships and I’m sure you’ll find that they’re ‘doing it’ less than you.

Hell, even if they do get the green light – usually on weekends or special occasions – it’s pretty shit.

HolyTaco.com

HolyTaco.com

Starting to think that I may be onto something (and that I’m not just a bitter, soon-to-be-proud-owner-of-a-parrot-to-keep-me-company, loser)? Well follow these steps and you too can continue to enjoy the single life.

As featured on The Official How To Blog

Oh and the best thing about this advice? When you finally decide that you do want to be with someone long-term, just do the complete opposite!

1 – Continue doing what you’re doing as that seems to be working just fine.

However like me, if you find that ladies are just drawn to you or that your friends absolutely insist on trying to set you up, then try the following:

2 – Be a mildly obnoxious asshole on dates. You need to get the balance just right so that she’ll sleep with you but won’t want you to call her ever again.

Talking about your junk and how great you are in bed = good

Offering to pay for dinner = bad

I also find that talking about your previous conquests, visits to strip clubs or general lack of direction in life tend to nip things in the bud fairly quickly. Though perhaps wait until after you’ve seen her naked before mentioning any of these.

If you’re still struggling for ideas, check out the ‘How To’ guide to being an asshole.

3 – Watch copious amounts of porn / jerk-off loads. Though rumoured that this can lead to blindness, you guys seem to be reading this just fine… badum tssssh!

MasturbationCausesBlindnessBut seriously, not only will this help to keep your urges for companionship in check. It also means that you will avoid potential ‘relationship creating’ contact with the opposite sex as this task is usually best performed alone in the confines of your bedroom.

If you’ve somehow managed to procure an elusive ‘friend with benefits’ then I doff my cap to you sir.

Though if you ever get the feeling that you’re headed towards commitmentville, tell her how much you masturbate and this is likely to result in a swift U-turn.

4 – Move back in with your parents. As nothing says ‘he’s a keeper’ like a guy who still lives at home with his mum and dad at the age of 30+.

summergrim.tumblr.com

summergrim.tumblr.com

And if you didn’t scare her off with (3) then mention that you do most of your ‘work’ in your old bedroom.

5 – Be unemployed. Or if you currently have a job, get fired. The effects of this should be fairly self-explanatory.

If you really must work, then try to find a job that is fulfilling but with little chance of progression/recognition and even less chance of a steady income.

6 – Don’t have a car. As if you can’t even pick your date up then what are the chances of collecting your future kids from football practice?

7 – If you are somehow coerced into joining an online dating site, really put some thought into your profile. Ideally, you want something that makes a woman think ‘I’d hit that but he’s definitely not marriage material.’

This guy knows what I’m talking about.

The Mathematician

The Mathematician

LIVE THE DREAM

I’m off to have a few beers with the Mathematician.

My thanks again to Speaker7 (the creative mastermind behind The Official How To Guide) for including this on the site. I’m fairly certain I only got the nod as it had been over a month since the last post and she was desperate.

In fact, that’s pretty much what her email said.

But either way, it was a great feeling to perform on the ‘same stage’ as people like Jen, The X and of course Speaker7 herself.

Finally, a thank you to MeglyMc, who introduced me to the Mathematician. She says she never dated him but then how was she able to send me his picture..?

My continued thanks for reading, particularly to those of you who share these stories and/or leave comments. For more amusing anecdotes, click here.

Or if you fancy something different, why not check out some of the bloggers to the right (full site only).

122 comments on “How to STAY single in your 30s

  1. Expat Eye
    11th October 13

    FWB’s aren’t that elusive ;)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      11th October 13

      Sure. If a girl goes up to a guy and says ‘do you want to just meet up and fuck occasionally – no strings attached’, it’s a piece of piss.

      But I guarantee you that if I went up to a girl and tried a similar approach, she’d be reaching for the pepper spray!

      Like

      • Expat Eye
        11th October 13

        I guess it depends on the girl ;)

        Like

        • "Un-Call" Girl
          16th October 13

          Totally depends on the girl ;)

          Like

          • Sean Smithson
            27th October 13

            So are you saying that you’d be up for some sort of arrangement..?

            Like

          • "Un-Call" Girl
            10th November 13

            Hahaha, I just saw this. Funny thing I have that arrangement with someone :)

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            10th November 13

            Lucky guy…

            Like

          • "Un-Call" Girl
            10th November 13

            It’s been his dream supposedly, so I guess he is, I shall mention that to him :) But at least you know such girls do exist! ;)

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            10th November 13

            Small consolation but I’ll take it I suppose…

            Like

          • "Un-Call" Girl
            10th November 13

            Xo :)

            Like

  2. Megly Mc
    11th October 13

    HA HA!!! I love that my sending you a buzzfeed link becomes me dating this guy, In addition to the fact that his math is limited to basic operations, and hasn’t moved into theoreticals (which would definitely NOT remove my panties…girls gotta have standards), I can tell on sight that he isn’t tall enough to ride the ride. That and he’s clearly a virgin. And a serial killer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sean Smithson
      11th October 13

      Sending me a buzzfeed link, sending me something from your personal collection… let’s not lose any sleep over the details.

      No seriously, that picture makes the piece in my opinion so I wanted to say thanks. Though admittedly I could’ve just said thanks!

      Completely agree with you on all points. Though I still reckon he gets more clicks on his dating profile than I do on mine…

      Like

  3. backlashcomix
    11th October 13

    I think I’m on to a winner, when I hit 30 in a week or so I’ll have every box ticked. I knew that I was good at something, for years it escaped me and now I know what it is. I’m a top of the range never get a girlfriend in his 30s guy! Wahey! But is it wrong to look up to Will Ferrall in Wedding Crashers as a hero? Personally I idolize that guy, he had it made. Wife and kids for the rest of my life? Fuck that, I still have the dream of turning out like Hugh Hefner or George Clooney. The dream is a long, long, long, long, long way away, and even a little further away than that, but still, I’m pretty sure that it was the dream that Martin Luther King was talking so passionately about. And things turned out all right for him didn’t they?

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      11th October 13

      Comment of the week!

      And yeah, I follow the above advice to a tee and am getting all kinds of action. By which I mean, I’m currently sitting in my underpants watching porn. And responding to your comment of course…

      Like

      • backlashcomix
        11th October 13

        See, we even develop the ability to multi-task watching porn whilst doing anything else. It’s like a superhuman reflex that comes into play after so many years of being single. Evolution, that’s what I call it. Being a sad bastard is what they call it, but still…

        Like

  4. Love it! Well said, sir!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      11th October 13

      Thank you kindly. It’s a shame that none of the tips have actually gotten me laid yet but at least you enjoyed reading it.

      Like

  5. Jen and Tonic
    11th October 13

    I’m single and in my 30′s, and I can confidently say that virgins are having more sex than I am. Good on you for having the raw sex appeal to get a little somethin’ somethin’.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      12th October 13

      Miss Tonic, what a pleasure.

      Ha. I don’t know about that raw sex appeal… I’d say I’m with you in the ‘less action than a virgin’ camp… Thank goodness for porn.

      Like

  6. Ella
    11th October 13

    Single is good. Sex is better. :)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      11th October 13

      Single is definitely good. But I wouldn’t know about the sex Ella… It may surprise you to hear this but the above advice is actually pretty useless.

      Like

  7. georgefloreswrite
    12th October 13

    This is seriously good advice! I’m single, proud, and happy. It’s much easier and nothing turns me off more than the idea of marriage sex. Sorry married people, but I can’t imagine having to be with some man for too many hours.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      12th October 13

      Well, I’m not sure any of it is actually useful but I appreciate the compliment. Thank you.

      By the way, according to the graph you’d only have to be with said man for 5 mins?

      Like

  8. mondaysarecool
    12th October 13

    I’d doff my hat to you, sir, but you might take that the wrong way. Good blog, awesome comments and wanted to say, “Thanks,” for liking one of my posts. It’s appreciated.

    BTW: if you want sex but don’t want a relationship, try becomming a best selling erotica author. Works for me, most of my stuff (when chicks ask, “Is it like 50 shades of gray,” to which I respond, “It’s mostly lesbian and very hardcore.”) I write scenes that only occur in guy’s fantasies and adult films, but, they sell.

    Very quickly, she’ll be curious (b/c you know, not only do you know what women like, you know what *two* women would like) and she’ll also realize that, there’s no freaking way she could ever take you seriously enough to introduce to the family.

    You’re welcome.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      12th October 13

      Thanks for the heads up man. I need all the help I can get.

      As contrary to how awesome ‘my advice’ seems, it’s actually pretty unhelpful and I haven’t had any action in months!

      No worries on the post; I found that one and a few of the others quite entertaining. So it was the least I could do.

      Like

  9. mikemajor9
    12th October 13

    Weekend sex: “5 minutes spent having sex” — pfffft! Who has that kind of time? Gotta shuttle the kids to the endless birthday parties, soccer games, blah-blah-de-blah. Nah, you are correct sir – the married with kids set are definitely having less sex than the single people. Definitely. Less.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      12th October 13

      Ha. I appreciate your honesty Mike but I’ll level with you…

      Although I talk a good game, I would KILL for at least 5 mins this weekend.

      Like

  10. jojogrrl
    13th October 13

    I am optimistically going the law of averages ie go on enough dates and eventually I will meet my forever someone but until that I just have to suck it up lol!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      13th October 13

      Okay then… But just remember that you’ll only have 5 mins of sex each week for the rest of your life.

      Like

  11. jojogrrl
    13th October 13

    I don’t know where your getting your stats from but I’m getting more than five minutes per week and yes its with another person lol! Maybe the fact that I have boobs helps. Sucks to be you my friend xx

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      13th October 13

      Oh no, I think you misunderstood me. I was saying that if you were to meet your ‘forever someone’ THEN sex would be reduced to the token 5 mins per week…

      So the fact that you are getting more than this is yet further proof that being single is the better choice. And yes. Boobs ALWAYS help.

      Like

      • jojogrrl
        13th October 13

        Boobs help but they can’t do all the work. You have to have a quick mind and a great sense of humour to trawl the dating sites for potential mates. I think in any situation confidence is the key. If you are confident that whilst you are not the hottest person there, you are a great dancer and can keep up with the conversation in an intelligent manner and have some descretion you should go far xx

        Like

  12. girlseule
    13th October 13

    Number 6. Oh yeah I’m currently seeing a guy without a car, he always wants me to pick him up from work, I’m starting to think that is why he is with me. Actually, come to think of it, the guy I am seeing is ticking a lot of these boxes.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      13th October 13

      Interesting… It seems that I’m not the only one who lives by this advice… Seriously though, the guy sounds like a real keeper.

      Like

  13. gubborigine
    14th October 13

    I personally alway get stuck as I “cuddle with conviction” apparently… I mean come on, I’m asleep – how am I supposed to know what I’m doing? Lesson there is no sleepover ;) Adam loves your work Sean :)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      15th October 13

      You do cuddle with conviction; I remember! Love your work too Adam. And hopefully see you next year.

      Like

  14. honeydidyouseethat?
    15th October 13

    Am thinking when your single readers follow your advice, they are guaranteed for life long Singledom. I hope they throw you a shout out. :) Thanks for the follow.

    Like

  15. faithbond777
    25th October 13

    Single-hood is definitely better, and your article makes for good reading…

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      25th October 13

      Huzzah for singlehood!

      Well I don’t know about ‘good’ but I’m pleased you enjoyed it.

      Like

  16. charlypriest
    31st October 13

    Amen to this post, I´m 31 and single. My friends, yep they say they are happy but they sure like it when I call, and we meet up to go on a guy nights out(that is a phrase only for men in a relationship I think) without them having to bring their wife´s, probably in part is because as you said we can get drunk and we can get to fuck around without the wife of him bitching around or telling him to stop acting like a clown.
    I like those statistics, there true that´s why. I´m no don Juan, but I can get my way around.
    About the things you covered about getting out of a date they set you up, I think I covered half of those, and I find it fun to be abnoxious, and just look at the reaction on the girls face with my abnoxious face…

    Had a laugh reading as always

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      3rd November 13

      Thanks man. I’m glad you’re still enjoying this shit…

      If I ever make it to your part of the world or vice versa, we should definitely have a few beers.

      Like

  17. vicbriggs
    5th November 13

    Hilarious. Sure, all good ways to keep being single, although I have to tell you, not all people in long-term relationships have less sex than those who are single. Heard that thing about women in their 30s having the sex-drive of 17-year old boys? Very true. So… it may be a case that “taken” guys play down their sex life. Makes for better banter than bragging ;)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th November 13

      Don’t tell any single guys what I’m about to say. But almost everything in this article is a load of bollocks. And I’m absolutely positive that any man in a long-term relationship is having more sex than I currently am (provided they’ve had sex at least once in 2013).

      Glad you enjoyed reading it though.

      Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to change the age parameters on my dating profile…

      Like

  18. matchdotcomeonalready
    8th November 13

    Hil-ar-i-ous.

    Like

  19. avoirunevie
    16th November 13

    Well, I should love to win a date … though I had to scroll through a list of women flinging their metaphorical panties at you in order to say that I thought this was hilarious. I love it! Your blog is a great find, Sean. If I wore panties I’d throw them as brazenly as that vixen Expat Eye. However, your head would be draped in a pair of American-style boxers ;-)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      17th November 13

      Bring on the boxers my friend!

      Glad you enjoyed this one as it’s not one of my usual story telling posts. That being said, it’s a fairly accurate description of my current situation unfortunately.

      Ha. I’m glad you called Expat Eye out on that. Though having checked your blog out, I’m sure there must be a queue of women wanting to do the same to you…

      Like

      • avoirunevie
        17th November 13

        Well, no, no queue of men (my preference) sadly … I would prefer boxers, but no man seems to be hurling them in my direction these days, or leaving them on the floor .. or … well, anything. However, I am a patient boy. It pays to be patient (they say), but I suspect it only pays minimum wage. ;-)

        Like

  20. Thomas Kelleher
    25th November 13

    Hello Sean. Thank you for liking one of my recent blog posts. I look forward to reading more of your blog, but I’ll pass on the date. Thanks anyway!

    Like

  21. List of X
    26th November 13

    Wow, thanks for including me in your exclusive “on the same stage” shortlist…

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      26th November 13

      For sure man. I really like your blog anyway but your ‘How to’ post in relation to blogging was just killer. I really appreciate you stopping by my site.

      Like

      • List of X
        29th November 13

        Thanks man. I’ll keep stopping by – your real-life adventures are way more entertaining than mine. :)

        Like

  22. justagirlinnyc
    30th November 13

    This is a great post. So many truths to being single…I loved it. 😊

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      30th November 13

      ‘You loved it – I think I want to sleep with you’ or just ‘you loved it’..?

      I’m good either way. And I really appreciate your visits.

      Like

      • justagirlinnyc
        30th November 13

        Possibly a bit of both!!!

        After my hoisted Sex Club experience, I’m thinking it’s too bad that you did not experience this in NYC, as it’s quite an adventure. I’m sure in living here, I will experience one again and actually go through the door at some point.

        You made me laugh this morning and a many times prior, and are quite the entertainer… I love your writing. 😊

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          30th November 13

          Ha. I wasn’t expecting that. And with regard to the Sex Club; I hope you make it there too… and then write about it of course.

          Thank you very much for the kind words.

          Like

  23. Julie
    3rd December 13

    I would love to tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t. Since my divorce whenever I was asked if I was single I usually answered “no, I am multiple” and now that my children are officially adults (ooh I hate that thought) I am living in fear of true singlehood again. This is why there are animals, so I don’t have to be alone. Kitties and puppies! Unfortunately even my parrot died! I think I might have you beat Sean! Hence, I win. fling. (that was my panties)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      3rd December 13

      I’m really beginning to like you Julie… Sorry about the parrot by the way.

      Like

      • Julie
        3rd December 13

        Of course you are! I am very likable! At least I think so.. Yea, he was an Indian Ringneck Parakeet. Freaked out my daughter a little bit, I had him longer than her, it was an adjustment for her, he had been around all her life. Thanks, and backattcha! ;)

        Like

  24. The Hook
    8th December 13

    I would never send you naked pictures – unless they were of someone you actually wanted to seen naked.

    Like

  25. Pingback: Group Therapy: December « HACKER. NINJA. HOOKER. SPY.

  26. La La
    31st December 13

    This describes most guys on OkCupid when you meet them, actually. Well done!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      31st December 13

      Oh no. Are you speaking from personal experience? My apologies on behalf of those guys if so. Glad you liked the post though.

      In others news, I came across your blog today after your comment on Ginger’s. And I must say, it’s brilliant. We Need to Talk was particularly clever. I fucking hate wind chimes too!

      Like

      • La La
        2nd January 14

        Why thank you, and it’s good to see I am not alone on the wind chime thing. They’re such assholes.

        Also….I am indeed speaking from experience. One guy pooped his pants though so that was funny.

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          2nd January 14

          He literally shit himself? Or do you just mean he found you intimidating?

          Either way, I need to hear more…

          Like

          • La La
            3rd January 14

            He literally shit his own pants after his mother was filing his nails at the bar. True story.

            Like

        • Sean Smithson
          24th January 14

          By the way, I also may have pooped my pants one time… I also may have written about it quite recently… If you fancy reliving the experience?

          Like

          • La La
            24th January 14

            Oh my god yes!!

            Like

  27. mollytopia
    8th January 14

    Oh my gahhhhhd this is hilarious! Love love love. Tweeting it immediately. I cannot believe you’re single. The world is such a mystery.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sean Smithson
      9th January 14

      I know, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want to get with this… Apologies for the drunken tweets by the way. Alcohol and Twitter definitely do not mix.

      Like

      • mollytopia
        9th January 14

        Hahaha – alcohol produces some of the best tweets ever. Party on Sean : ). We’re heading to Savannah today. I hope we make it back to the island alive…

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          10th January 14

          Ok so I’m a little lost with the Savannah reference (I Googled it but that didn’t really help) but whatever the hell is going on, I sincerely hope you make it back alive.

          Like

          • mollytopia
            10th January 14

            Hahaha – Savannah people don’t ask who you are or what you do, they ask what you’re drinking. They put Madeira in the water in the 1700′s to purify it haha. We made it back to Tybee alive – hooray!

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            10th January 14

            Ah ok, thanks for clarifying. I’m glad you made it back in one piece. I doubt I would’ve… Savannah sounds like my kind of place!

            Like

          • mollytopia
            10th January 14

            It’s really a perfect place: fabulously refined and wildly inappropriate : ). I’m sending for my things. Right after I raise this child and retire…

            Like

  28. wokattack
    9th January 14

    Like the dating advice – friend of mine once went relatio-nihilist after a bad break up and spent two years living by the following advice that he’d drunkly share: Always arrange first dates for Sunday evenings (she’ll be sad about missing out on shared Sunday brunch and shared Sunday roast afternoon – meaning that no matter how bad company you are, it’s a shared Sunday evening). If succesful, you will be returning home between 3 and 4am. Do not call till next Friday. Arrange date for next Sunday. Repeat.
    I’d ask him if it didn’t get broing after a while.
    He’d laugh and buy another drink.
    Then he’d usally start crying…sometimes not with laughter…..

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      10th January 14

      Sounds just as awful as all my advice really… I might give it a try.

      Like

  29. TIA
    1st February 14

    Brilliant! Im glad its working for you. I, however, have tried all of these steps and continue to get ladies at my feet, begging for a commited relationship. :) I guess I just need to try harder!!!

    Like

  30. MeglyMc
    1st February 14

    HA HA!!! I was just about to write a note, pointing out that I introduced you to that gem of a man, but you, as usual, beat me to the punch.
    Fantastic post, and so terribly, painfully true, I’m afraid.
    And, no, I don’t date people who can’t spell “believe”. Fuck that. I’d even excuse the wife-beater he’s wearing before I put of with someone who doesn’t know ‘i before e’.

    Like

  31. Sharn
    1st February 14

    <3
    All of this plus some.
    I'm not sold on the FWB thing – it really isn't that hard to find though. I think the hardest thing is making sure the lines are pretty clear in it. I find it helps with the non-mixing of feelings later. I work heaps better knowing where I stand!
    Granted, I do miss the intimacy of finding someone to cuddle on couch and watch absolute crap with. And fight over the remote. What it is with my partners and their remote control issues? :P
    I'm rather happy to have my bed all to myself plus a few plush toys and a cat.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      2nd February 14

      Lies Sharn. These FWBs don’t exist. Or if they do, they don’t want to be found by me.

      Though in truth, I’m much like you and am more than happy to have the bed all to myself. I don’t even need the toys or the cat!

      Like

      • Sharn
        2nd February 14

        Hahaha, you just aren’t looking in the right places dear Sean.

        We hide in places like behind the couch with jebus.

        Like

  32. Blossom Brouillard
    2nd February 14

    This was great! I particularly love the eye chart. Although I had some difficulty reading it. Thanks for following my blog by the way. I love your stuff.
    I’m guessing I’m probably the oldest person here. So I feel the need to chime in. I’m dying to know more about your reticence in online dating.. I haven’t read all of your posts yet as I’ve been kind of busy. So if you’ve already addressed it I apologize.
    Granted, there are ton of douche bags in the online dating world. But the beauty of online dating is,, more than likely the person you go out with is not a part of your everyday life. That affords you the luxury of going from anonymity, to dating, to oblivion! Whereas, if you meet somebody at your favorite bar or gym, and it’s a total disaster, somebody’s got a stop going to that place. Which really sucks!
    I’m in my 50′s and have never pursued younger men. However I was surprised to find them pursuing me. I rarely dated any of them. Admittedly, I may have looked up with one or two, but that was more of a knee-jerk reaction to a “fail” with someone I was really interested in.
    When I was first approached I asked, “Why the hell would someone in their 30s want to date someone in their 50s?” My initial thought was,most likely they were eager to get laid. But in truth, I think it’s the lack of drama and the experience that an older woman brings to the table. (I had sex with a very sweet 34 year old hyperachieving virgin.
    The irony of that, in relation to your blog is, those sexless marriages can produce some very randy women! (my ex was 10 years older than me..ugh!) I will never be in another sexless relationship again! EVER!
    As for masturbating? It’s his much a part of my morning ritual as is my first cup of tea. And I LOVE a nice cup of tea in the morning!
    Cheers!

    Like

  33. Blossom Brouillard
    2nd February 14

    oops! my bad. Sorry Sean. I guess you liked one of my posts. i thought you were following me. That’s cool. Thanks for liking it.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      2nd February 14

      You’re right, it started with a ‘like’ but after your comment above I thought ‘shit, if this lady is willing to share all of that in a comment then I wonder how much detail she goes into on her blog…’ I am now following you!

      Like

      • Blossom Broulliard
        2nd February 14

        That’s great news! Thanks. I’m relatively new to this. Should I be concerned that it’s TMI? Considering what’s in my blog, maybe my concern is like closing the barn door after the horse has already bolted.

        Like

  34. skinnyuz2b
    2nd February 14

    I hated almost all my blind dates. Not the person, the dating experience. Usually you’ve each been built up so much by the ones setting the date up that you can’t possibly live up to the hoopla. And God forbid the setter-uppers make it a double date – watching and listening.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      2nd February 14

      Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever been set-up on a blind date before – I may have told a few lies in this piece.

      That being said, I would’ve thought for sure it would be easier to double date than not?

      Like

  35. Marie
    2nd February 14

    Well you’re in luck because I just read that according to the BBC this is the year of the whores. http://www.thedrum.com/stuff/2014/02/01/bbc-subtitle-blunder-ushers-year-whores-chinese-new-year-celebrated?desktop=1

    Best time to being single!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sean Smithson
      2nd February 14

      Love, love, LOVE this Marie.

      By the way, I’m not sure what’s going on but WordPress doesn’t seem to want us two to be friends anymore? All your comments are going straight into ‘pending’ without a notification and likewise, when I comment on your blog, I never receive the heads up when you respond.

      I’m too much of a pussy to upset anyone so I’m guessing this is all your fault?

      Like

      • Marie
        2nd February 14

        It is always my fault. Also, when I went to your blog, I’m pretty sure it didn’t have me as following you. WTF, I know I’ve been following you like Hansel and Gretel following the goodies on the ground…

        Such a shame that everything is working against us. Maybe the powers that be know that it’s better to keep us apart? ;)

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          2nd February 14

          Once again, I had to fetch this one out the dumpster… What did you do Marie?!

          Ha. Possibly, yes. And as for the following thing; you’re certainly not alone. Others have said the same thing to me… Though maybe they were just making it up. Like you are now, hey?

          Like

          • Marie
            2nd February 14

            I did make sure it landed with yesterday’s rubbish so… you figure it out!

            Like

  36. LittleMissLola
    2nd February 14

    You know I can see this, right? If you mention your junk…even once…
    ;)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      2nd February 14

      I’m slightly confused, forgive me. Are you saying that if I talk about my junk we’re going to have no-strings-attached sex. Because I’ll gladly do so if that’s the case.

      Like

      • LittleMissLola
        2nd February 14

        I’m saying you’re going to have to come up with a new game plan, because now I know all your tricks!

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          2nd February 14

          Ha! Okay that makes a lot more sense. Well I guess I’m fucked then as I didn’t have any to begin with.

          I’m sure it’ll still be fun

          Like

  37. The Indecisive Eejit
    5th February 14

    I’m ragin, everytime WordPress does an update it un-follows people for me!! I almost lost you ffs, I was so traumatised I had to breathe repeatedly into a brown paper bag!! Lol
    Great post to start me back though :-)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      Ha. I hope your breathing is back to normal levels now Juls. And thank you.

      Yeah, I’m really not sure what’s going on at the moment as quite a few bloggers have lost me from their feeds recently. Maybe WordPress hates me? I can’t really blame them…

      Like

  38. Pingback: Check Please | A'A IN PARADISE

  39. TheShitShowThatIsMyLife
    28th February 14

    haha, I tell people all the time that if Dark Chocolate Love Muffin (yeah that’s my cat’s name for real) and I end up together there are plenty of benefits. 1. She never gets a say in what tv shows we watch. and 2. I make dinner for no one so luckily she eats the same shit everyday. But obviously the best part is the sex with whoever I want ;)

    Like

  40. The Howling Fantogs
    3rd March 14

    Ahhh, drinking and porn. *exhales and fondly remembers single days*

    Like

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This entry was posted on 1st February 14 by in Relationship Dos & DONTS and tagged , , , , .

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