The Office Inbetweener

SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5…

Third time’s a charm, right?

So after the sights, sounds, smells (and furious masturbation) of Africa, it was on to South America. And having ‘almost joined’ the mile high club with a Danish girl I’d just met in Quito (Ecuador) international, it was on to Lima (Peru); where I would be introduced to the 30 odd strangers whom I was to spend the next three months travelling with.

[Note - when I say ‘almost joined’, I actually mean we discussed her coming back to my hotel when our flight landed but she decided I wasn’t worth the cab fare back to the airport the next day. Hmm. I guess that wasn’t even close to joining the club was it?]

When I made the booking I was initially very sceptical about a group that size. But statistically, there was bound to be at least one girl I’d want to tap so I went ahead.

I was wrong. There were 10.    

Now I’d love to tell you that I successfully bedded all of them but c’mon now, we all know that never happened. However I did hook-up with one Australian girl, Emma. And by the time she left the group in Buenos Aires, it turned out that I’d actually fallen for her – I know, right? Who knew I was capable of having such feelings?

But things certainly didn’t start out that way.

I’d noticed her straight away; blonde, blue eyes, tall… Though there was just something about her that put me off initially.

Perhaps it was that she was 21. And at 30, I felt like a bit of a paedo around her. Maybe it was that her voice occasionally sounded like fingernails on a chalk board.

Or perhaps it was that the first thing she ever said to me was that I reminded her of the Indian guy from the TV series Rules of Engagement.

Ah yes. That was it.

This guy? Seriously?

This guy? Seriously?

It wasn’t until we got to Cusco (a week or so into the trip) that we slept with one another for the first time. I honestly can’t remember the fine print but I do recall Emma drunkenly telling me that she liked me and that ‘SHE’D DECIDED WE WERE GOING TO HAVE SEX.’

So she called me that Indian guy..? Big deal.

So she called me that Indian guy..? Big deal.

We’re still close now so I don’t plan on going into the details of that night but I will say that to date, she remains THE most highly-sexed girl I’ve ever encountered.

You know how a camel can go like, forever without food after it’s just eaten? Well I’m kind of like that with sex. And contrary to how I might come across, I’m not actually obsessed by it. Or at least not when sober. A potential side effect of jerking-off daily for the last 15 years maybe?

So the constant demands to sleep with her again in the days that followed genuinely took some getting used to – I know. Poor me, right?

That being said, I’m a guy. And to quote one of my all-time favourite JD lines from Scrubs; by about the third week,

“I was getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly.”

During our second month we passed through a town called Salta (Argentina) and due to an earlier mix-up, we ended up staying in the grounds of a huge, open-air, public swimming pool.

We were in a dorm with around eight others so that night (well it was actually more like dawn by the time we got back) we decided to have sex in what we thought was a relatively concealed area near the pool.

I was taking her from behind and all I could see in front of me was this expanse of water. However something just didn’t feel right.

And when I turned around there were two security guards standing about 10 feet behind us, smiling and presumably discussing my performance. Whilst I struggled to remember the word for ‘sorry’ in Spanish, Emma started to shout at me for stopping!?

Like I said, THE most highly-sexed girl.

Now I can get on board with the regular sex – such a team player, I know – but being watched at the same time? I’ll leave that shit to the professionals. Emma, on the other hand..?

It turns out that sex with a hot girl can quickly help you get over your inhibitions and about 3 mins later, she was giving me head behind a wall.

Unfortunately it wasn’t very high, and I was still visible from the waist up. And what d’you know, the same guards were looking at me. But this time from all the way across the pool.

The sudden shock of seeing them again made me jump and when I tried to put my cock back into Emma’s mouth, I totally missed and ended up ripping her nose stud out!

She didn’t ask me to try again a third time.

If you liked this then I suspect you might also enjoy my book. Or not.

Either way, thanks for reading; particularly to those of you who share these stories and/or leave comments.

75 comments on “Third time’s a charm, right?

  1. Expat Eye
    3rd October 13

    Being like the Indian guy from Rules of Engagement is infinitely better than being David Spade! Although, he did shag Heather Locklear…

    Still, you finally GOT SOME! You even brought whole new meaning to the term ‘stud’ :) Not in a good way of course, but baby steps…

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      3rd October 13

      Honestly, I would’ve preferred it if she went with the guy from Slumdog! But yes, Timmy is still better than Spade’s character.

      And yes. HUZZAH for me. We managed to find her nose stud by the way…

      Like

      • Expat Eye
        3rd October 13

        I’m not sure I want to know where it was! The security guards were probably keeping a close enough eye on things to be able to spot it though!

        Like

  2. I think that Indian guy from Rules of Engagement is cute!

    Like

  3. lazylauramaisey
    4th October 13

    Brilliant. As ever. The bit where you reveal that the wall was only waist high was my favourite. I was all cheering you on for getting head behind a wall until then. Good on ya for ripping the nose stud out though. Gotta show these women who’s in charge.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      4th October 13

      Thanks as always Ms Maisey…

      Yes, I usually don’t need any help in killing my boner. But those guards were hell bent on cock blocking me! Hmm. I’m noticing a theme here actually…

      Like

      • lazylauramaisey
        4th October 13

        Would the theme be ‘cock’?

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          4th October 13

          Well. I was going for ‘cock blocked’ given the neighbourhood watch guys from the last story. But quite a few people think I’m a cock. So I guess that works too…

          Like

          • lazylauramaisey
            4th October 13

            I was thinking more along the ‘tits, cock and muff’ lines. As opposed to you being a cock. But, you know. Whatever works for you.

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            4th October 13

            Roger that Ms Maisey

            Like

  4. lexborgia
    4th October 13

    You dick ripped out her nose stud! Don’t think you were in her mouth to begin with; admit it, you got a nose job. Wicked.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      4th October 13

      Ha. To be fair man, it’s probably small enough for one! Great to see you back on these shores…

      Like

  5. frenchychick
    4th October 13

    In college, I was dating a guy who ran the community gymnastics club. They had this HUGE mattress, the kind that’s about 3 feet high. And the gym was closed, so we played around on the mattress, we’d always wanted to have sex on that thing. Nobody was in the gym, and the lights were out save for the glow coming from the office. We screamed when we came. Once we started putting our clothes back on, we heard kids running out the upstairs balcony. Turns out we weren’t so alone after all, and we never did find out who was watching. But it did sound like kids. The trouble we could have had… and it was all worth it!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th October 13

      Okay, I’ll level with you… They weren’t kids. It was me and Nova. He becomes quite squeaky when excited… I’m really sorry. But thanks for the show!

      Like

  6. cpmandara
    4th October 13

    Not into voyeurism, huh? Just think of those poor guards, bored senseless and along come (cum?) you and your delightful lady… it must have been more fun than they’d had in years, and you had to go spoil it. (Good on you for trying to make it up to them, though ;)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      4th October 13

      Ha. I never thought about it like that… But I’m pretty sure we weren’t the first ones that they’ve caught in the act. However the nose stud trick was probably a first!

      Like

  7. cpmandara
    4th October 13

    P.S. As to the date part, I crack the whip. Just so we’re clear…

    Like

  8. honeydidyouseethat?
    4th October 13

    Oh my. Good thing you didn’t go into details as you are still close to Emma.

    Like

  9. david
    5th October 13

    Smithson back on form.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th October 13

      Cheers bud. And after meeting her, I don’t think I’ll need sex again for at least a year.

      Like

  10. divorcedandsingleblog
    7th October 13

    hahah lovely story!

    Like

  11. liamfox83
    10th October 13

    Funny, witty and charming as always! Nose-job – that is so funny! My favourite is that you mention the fact that Emma decided you guys would have sex…I think sometimes men are intimidated by a woman who is totally in tune with her sexuality and wants and needs. Good on you Sean…

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      10th October 13

      I was certainly intimidated by her to begin with. But regular tapping just has a magical way of breaking down your inhibitions I guess!

      Like

  12. liamfox83
    10th October 13

    Yes, that is definitely true! I had a moment like that once upon a time – 3 years ago. It was two weekends in a row of just going at it. I definitely shed some inhibitions then. Twas fun!

    Like

  13. intothebeauty
    22nd October 13

    haha! Amazing.

    Daily sex? You should have milked that for all you could. Being single doesn’t exactly give you that pleasure of being with someone besides your hand everyday. Get ‘em while they’re hot!

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      25th October 13

      I know, right? I was used to having sex like once a year before I met her! Oh well… back to the hand…

      Like

  14. inspiredbythedivine1
    24th October 13

    Nice adventure you had, my friend. It reminds me of the time I was in Ireland back in ’92 and was making sweet, meaningful love to a sexy young Irish lass I’d just met in a pub a few hours earlier. She lived with her Aunt in an old brick, one level farm house just outside of a town called Castlebar. We were thrusting about with our genitals entwined on the floor of her room when I felt something aggressively start to peck at my exposed pasty white ass. I jumped up and looked behind me to see a large rooster, with its feathers in a fluff, running about the room as if it were his finest hen I was fucking, and in HIS hen house too. I yelled out to my young Irish lass, “What the fuck is a rooster doing in here?” She calmly replied, “This is a farm you American twit! It lives here. We must’ve left the front door open and it walked in. Just ignore him. He’ll go back outside in a minute.” She then started to kiss me again and fondle my average sized white-man cock, but it was over for me. My right ass check was actually bleeding, and I did not wish to risk angering the rooster further by continuing to fuck what I was certain he felt was his bitch. So I bid farewell to my young Irish lass and went back to my B&B for a wank.
    So if I win a date with you, and one thing leads to, you know, another, please inform me of any jealous avian pets you have before starting to ravish me or I’ll make a really nasty scene and then leave.

    Like

    • Expat Eye
      25th October 13

      So glad I’ve never been to Castlebar and that definitely was not me! :) You’ve stayed true to form though – most guys run at the thought of two cocks at the party ;)

      Like

    • Sean Smithson
      28th October 13

      Apologies for the delayed response to this one my friend. An absolute corker. I was even minded to steal it and pass it off as one of my own stories…

      As always, no one has actually taken note of anything I said. However I did try to encourage readers to check this out along with your actual blog. Their loss…

      I trust the ass cheek has since healed? And don’t worry; there are never any birds near me – avian or human!

      Like

  15. anonymousapathetic
    28th October 13

    Dear Sean,
    I do not have a nose piercing. Please consider this when you award your date prize. ;)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      28th October 13

      Ha. Brilliant.

      I’ve just bumped Inspiredbythedivine1 from my top 5 now…

      Like

      • anonymousapathetic
        28th October 13

        That is good news, as I too have always aspired to join the mile high club. My husband is unfortunately oversized for this possibility, and having previously earned a living as an acrobat in a traveling circus, I struggle to think it reasonable that I should have to forgo the endeavor. :/

        Like

  16. butimbeautiful
    4th November 13

    You could enter that in a competition, like ‘accidents with nose-studs’. Ewww.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      4th November 13

      Yes, it was certainly not how I expected things were going to end. Let me know if that competition actually exists…

      Like

  17. charlypriest
    4th November 13

    You´re the UN of men-girls,
    having sex with an Aussie in Cusco….man that is what I call spreading love and knowledge around the world.
    Hope you didn´t get bit by a moskito while doing `it´.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      Not sure why I didn’t respond to this at the time Charly? Thanks for the compliment. Ha.

      Like

  18. cotswoldsgirl
    30th December 13

    OK in my head the security guards were holding up paddles with numbers on them a la Strictly Come Dancing… Se-ven! I mean, they surely had to respect you when they saw you not only getting a dirty shag, but then a blow-job too. Surely worth a 10? Genius.

    Like

  19. bmowner
    5th February 14

    There’s a decent chance the guards were discussing YOUR tush not your performance. Glad you took it standing up though.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      Ha. Quite possibly, yes. I hope they were impressed.

      By the way, I checked your blog out and even though I can’t totally relate given the location specifics, it’s pretty funny stuff man.

      Like

      • bmowner
        6th February 14

        I’m sure you had good form in all ways. Thanks, my blog is just my local rants on California middle aged yuppies and dating among other things. I always get a kick out of your blog. I’ve been cock blocked myself so many times…glad you finally got some penetration…my brother from another mother.

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          6th February 14

          Ahh, so you know my pain very well… Thanks for the kind words by the way man.

          Forgive me, as I wasn’t even aware that you read my stuff. I thought this was the first time you’d stopped by. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

          Like

  20. Sharn
    5th February 14

    Oh my lords, I lol’d – way to go with the nose stud.
    A bit of an audience shouldn’t have deterred you though, maybe it’s an Aussie thing? Oi vey.
    Either way, well done you for falling for your travel shag! It’s such a no no!!
    Ps. the city of Salta also made me giggle snort. In the most lady-like of ways.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      Funnily enough, one of the Aussie guys from the group of 30 recently sent me a video clip of a girl going down on another girl on a public train in Melbourne!

      “Oi Robbo, you’re not gonna believe this but there’s a chick eating another chick’s box on the train. Unbelievable.” He didn’t take the video, you understand.

      So yes, I’d say it’s definitely an Aussie thing, ha.

      Yes, it was a weird one. Originally I wanted no sort of commitment whatsoever but when you’re spending every single day with the same people, roughing it up and down South America for three months, it’s kind of nice to have that special someone to share everything with.

      Of course, I’m only saying that now. At the time I was pissed as there were two other girls I could’ve hooked up with in our group but Emma quickly put the kibosh on that…

      Like

      • Sharn
        5th February 14

        Oh my word.

        You are kidding me! Lol I draw the line at sexual acts on public transport. Err. Greyhounds don’t count right?

        Well look at it this way. You got laid lots. Doesn’t matter that it wasn’t with the other chicks!

        Like

        • Sean Smithson
          5th February 14

          Ha. I’m afraid Greyhounds do count my dear. And actually, as I was writing my reply I was reminded of your little escapade from the States. Hey man, I don’t judge anyone.

          And you’re right, the important thing is that I was finally getting some!

          Like

          • Sharn
            5th February 14

            Well, right right.

            Err.

            I should finish writing about my escapades… No doubt you’d be highly entertained by the slobberer.

            Like

  21. TheShitShowThatIsMyLife
    5th February 14

    I just got my nose pierced and had it ripped out on accident two days later. I was holding my nose as it poured blood while laying on a hotel hallway floor desperately looking. When I found it, I chugged some whiskey, washed it under hot water and shoved it back in.
    Fucking. Awful.
    I’m now concerned you don’t like sex as much as I do… Work on that before I get there.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      Oh man, that doesn’t sound pleasant at all. Luckily for Emma that stud had been in there for some time. Not to say that it didn’t hurt her at the time though.

      I’ve noted your concerns and will do what I can.

      Like

  22. MeglyMc
    5th February 14

    I just don’t even know where to start, here. Somewhere…in Salta…there is a blog written by an ex-security guard telling stories of crazy shit he’s seen, and you’re entries #1-15. (Ha…I said entries)
    And, I have to agree…if a piercing gets ripped out by someone’s erect dick…the night has found it’s natural tipping point. :)

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      Ha. You did say entries, didn’t you… Oh man, I hope so. That’d be a much better read than this blog. I’m going to start searching for related terms in my reader now.

      I actually lied in the story as she did want to try again for the third time. Thankfully she fell asleep in the dorm waiting for me though. Younger women, eh…

      Like

      • MeglyMc
        5th February 14

        Agreed. I prefer experience and knowledge over a short refractory period.

        And you didn’t lie…you edited to create a more cohesive narrative thread. :)

        Like

  23. spincyclediaries
    5th February 14

    C’mon! Seriously? This is batshit crazy – and I need to stop picturing the sequence of events!! LMFAO! I hope these adventures of yours are going to have a very special place on a bookshelf in some hoity toity bookshop…

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      5th February 14

      No word of a lie my dear. It was arguably the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to me. And as you know, there have been more than a few.

      And thank you. I hope to make it to that bookshelf too one day. By the way, I’m not sure if you read the Africa story but that was not too far behind this one in terms of embarrassment…

      Like

  24. Trent Lewin
    6th February 14

    Ah Sean… that Emma sounded like a keeper, security guards and all, but the nose ring… dude, gross. Did you have to pull the nose ring?

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      6th February 14

      Sorry man, maybe I’m being thick but pull the nose ring? In fact you know what, let’s not even go there, ha.

      I’m actually heading to Aus later this year and will be seeing her again. Hopefully without incident… But of course if something does happen, I’ll share it.

      Like

      • Trent Lewin
        6th February 14

        Sorry, meant nose stud… sounded awful painful.

        Don’t ever get old, man. I’m counting on these stories to get me through the rest of the winter, and beyond.

        Like

  25. Julie
    6th February 14

    I agree Sean. She sounded like a keeper to me too. Although had you kept her you wouldn’t have time for much else from the sounds of it..

    I remember one time people kept traipsing thru the room when I was um… having an intimate moment with someone. I suggested they should also be naked if they are going to keep it up. Next thing I knew where there were 6 naked people involved… I guess it is better than being watched. But then again it’s not like they were peeking in the window exactly Sean. They were doing their job.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      6th February 14

      Julie, you exhibitionist you! 6 people eh? My opinion of you has just sky rocketed.

      Oh yeah for sure, I completely got that they were in the right and we were in the wrong. Unfortunately Emma didn’t see it that way.

      Ha. You’re right again. And I definitely wouldn’t have been able to start this blog up if she was still in the picture. Every cloud…

      Like

      • Julie
        6th February 14

        exhibitionist? No that is because I NEVER close the drapes at my house. Or the bathroom door (much) I believe that would be defined as an orgy.

        Like

        • Julie
          6th February 14

          or maybe 2 sets of threesomes???

          Like

          • Sean Smithson
            6th February 14

            Stop it. I’m getting a boner.

            Like

          • Sean Smithson
            6th February 14

            By the way, it’s probably pure coincidence but your comment on this story was the 69th…

            Like

          • Julie
            6th February 14

            no coincidence. I counted and waited….

            Like

          • Julie
            6th February 14

            it’s ok, I don’t have a nose ring.

            Like

  26. nancytex2013
    6th February 14

    You are lucky the ring didn’t cut you as it exited the nose! See, there’s always something worse that could’ve happened.

    Like

    • Sean Smithson
      6th February 14

      VERY good point Nancy.

      In fact, I’d taken having my arse checked out by some Argentinian guards over a pierced dick any day of the week!

      Like

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