SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5…
So after the sights, sounds, smells (and furious masturbation) of Africa, it was on to South America. And having ‘almost joined’ the mile high club with a Danish girl I’d just met in Quito (Ecuador) international, it was on to Lima (Peru); where I would be introduced to the 30 odd strangers whom I was to spend the next three months travelling with.
[Note - when I say ‘almost joined’, I actually mean we discussed her coming back to my hotel when our flight landed but she decided I wasn’t worth the cab fare back to the airport the next day. Hmm. I guess that wasn’t even close to joining the club was it?]
When I made the booking I was initially very sceptical about a group that size. But statistically, there was bound to be at least one girl I’d want to tap so I went ahead.
I was wrong. There were 10.
Now I’d love to tell you that I successfully bedded all of them but c’mon now, we all know that never happened. However I did hook-up with one Australian girl, Emma. And by the time she left the group in Buenos Aires, it turned out that I’d actually fallen for her - I know, right? Who knew I was capable of having such feelings?
But things certainly didn’t start out that way.
I’d noticed her straight away; blonde, blue eyes, tall… Though there was just something about her that put me off initially.
Perhaps it was that she was 21. And at 30, I felt like a bit of a paedo around her. Maybe it was that her voice occasionally sounded like fingernails on a chalk board.
Or perhaps it was that the first thing she ever said to me was that I reminded her of the Indian guy from the TV series Rules of Engagement.
Ah yes. That was it.
This guy? Seriously?
It wasn’t until we got to Cusco (a week or so into the trip) that we slept with one another for the first time. I honestly can’t remember the fine print but I do recall Emma drunkenly telling me that she liked me and that ‘SHE’D DECIDED WE WERE GOING TO HAVE SEX.’
So she called me that Indian guy..? Big deal.
We’re still close now so I don’t plan on going into the details of that night but I will say that to date, she remains THE most highly-sexed girl I’ve ever encountered.
You know how a camel can go like, forever without food after it’s just eaten? Well I’m kind of like that with sex. And contrary to how I might come across, I’m not actually obsessed by it. Or at least not when sober. A potential side effect of jerking-off daily for the last 15 years maybe?
So the constant demands to sleep with her again in the days that followed genuinely took some getting used to - I know. Poor me, right?
That being said, I’m a guy. And to quote one of my all-time favourite JD lines from Scrubs; by about the third week,
“I was getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly.”
During our second month we passed through a town called Salta (Argentina) and due to an earlier mix-up, we ended up staying in the grounds of a huge, open-air, public swimming pool.
We were in a dorm with around eight others so that night (well it was actually more like dawn by the time we got back) we decided to have sex in what we thought was a relatively concealed area near the pool.
I was taking her from behind and all I could see in front of me was this expanse of water. However something just didn’t feel right.
And when I turned around there were two security guards standing about 10 feet behind us, smiling and presumably discussing my performance. Whilst I struggled to remember the word for ‘sorry’ in Spanish, Emma started to shout at me for stopping!?
Like I said, THE most highly-sexed girl.
Now I can get on board with the regular sex – such a team player, I know – but being watched at the same time? I’ll leave that shit to the professionals. Emma, on the other hand..?
It turns out that sex with a hot girl can quickly help you get over your inhibitions and about 3 mins later, she was giving me head behind a wall.
Unfortunately it wasn’t very high, and I was still visible from the waist up. And what d’you know, the same guards were looking at me. But this time from all the way across the pool.
The sudden shock of seeing them again made me jump and when I tried to put my cock back into Emma’s mouth, I totally missed and ended up ripping her nose stud out!
She didn’t ask me to try again a third time.
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