SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5…
Me: “I don’t know. It sounds kind of gay, two guys going to Prague for the weekend. Isn’t it known for being romantic?”
Tom: “Well no one else can make it. And as for the romance; you don’t know shit. 50p pints, fit women and if that’s still not enough, there’s supposed to be an amazing strip club there called Goldfingers. I hear touching is perfectly acceptable too.”
Me: “Say no more. I’m in.”
For those of you that have been following my stories, this was the same Tom from Nottingham.
Though to be honest, I was quite surprised he had asked me as he was so straight-laced and he’d also just recently started seeing someone. But what did I care; I was drowning at the IHOP and could do with the break. And in case you missed it earlier:
touching was perfectly acceptable!
Thankfully Goldfingers didn’t disappoint. The girls were hotter than their peers in Spearmint Rhino and had the same work ethic as those from Parkers.
The pricing was slightly less impressive however (£20 per dance) given we were still living off our student loans. But at least Tom understood that you were better off seeing 10 different pairs of tits for £200 than the same pair repeatedly.
I on the other hand, had learnt nothing from my Rhinos experience the previous year and still believed that the first girl to approach me was probably in love with me and that by the end of the night we’d be a couple.
Actual footage (ok maybe not)
As I sat there letting my future bride Petra knead my cock with her leg for the fifth song in succession, I noticed that each time Tom discovered a girl, he’d also discover a new drink. We’d had a few before the club so I should’ve gone over to check on him but Petra and I were really ‘connecting’ at that stage.
By song eight I had confessed my love and told her I would return one day after finishing university. Somewhat of a recurring theme over the years. Strangely, she didn’t appear to reciprocate my feelings. Though this may have had something to do with my money running out?
Eager to avoid being laughed at by Petra and her friends I went off in search of Tom so we could leave post-haste. I should’ve checked on him when I had the chance as he had been thrown out some 15 minutes prior for being too drunk.
Finding him was easy enough but trying to convince him that he was bolloxed and didn’t require more naked flesh was another matter.
The next ‘strip club’ was actually a brothel, which I of course had no qualms with. However Tom was uncomfortable entering given his new relationship. I was rather impressed that he was able to remember her name in his state but reassured him that it was perfectly fine for him to sit at the bar whilst I attended to my evidently inadequate balls.
Two girls came over straight away and started a conversation in broken English. Which, to be fair, was still more decipherable than Tom’s gibberish.
I waited hardly any time before signalling to the more attractive one that we should go, leaving the other two behind.
When I returned they were missing and I genuinely felt rotten that I had played a part in him cheating on his girlfriend. Though perhaps he wasn’t as straight-laced as I thought.
As I sat there contemplating how much blame could be attributed to me, Tom’s girl came storming out of the room holding a towel to her face. She turned and glared at me before shouting, “Your friend, in there.” And she motioned towards the door she had just exited from.
Huh? Am I supposed to get him? And more importantly, what’s the deal with the towel?
I looked over at her again and noticed that her hair was wet in places. Ah yes, the customary post-nailing shower. Shiiit… So they did end up screwing. Though that still doesn’t explain why she’s so mad?
She gestured that I go to retrieve him. At which point I was slightly confused. And a little scared.
I burst into laughter upon opening the door and immediately understood why she was pissed. For there, lying on the bed, half conscious and semi-naked with his now flaccid cock only partially covered by his boxers, was Tom.
You may have missed it on first glance but there was also a trail of vomit running down his arm and onto the floor.
It seems that at the exact moment she started to remove his boxers – presumably to suck him off – he’d sat up in bed and chundered on her. Probably not how anyone envisaged it, especially the hooker.
But at least he hadn’t cheated.
Due to some glitch with the hotel’s reservation system, we had been checked in as a couple. So that night the two of us were sharing a bed.
I thought nothing of it initially but given everything that had happened earlier that night, I should’ve been expecting the 5am ‘wake-up call’ of Tom aggressively ‘sleep-wanking’ next to me.
Still, it could’ve been worse I guess.
Those aren’t two pillows!
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