SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5…
Throughout my life I have been fortunate enough to have been surrounded by some very funny guys. But for me, the smartest cat of them all has to be T-Money.
And this whole site / book idea can be blamed on him (when it eventually turns out to be a failure) as I figured:
If he finds my stories funny, then surely I must be on to something.
Of course, if it’s an unlikely success then that’s all me.
We first met back in ’00 during our undergraduate degree (Statistics & Economics: what was I thinking?) and the rest is, as they say, comedy. But if that wasn’t torture enough, after graduating we signed up for a Masters in Finance.
Now if our undergraduate experience was bad – honestly, how many girls would you expect to meet on a Stats degree – the post grad was hell. And being a math, science and engineering power house, this place was akin to the American restaurant chain IHOP; except in this scenario, the P stood for penis.
Seriously, there was cock everywhere you looked. And now that I think about it; these two institutions and the fact that I went to an all boys school for the seven years prior may go some way towards explaining why I am so painfully shy around women (at least initially anyway). And also why I am much more comfortable in the presence of men.
But let’s save the Dr Phil analysis of my insecurities for another time.
It was during one of these regular ‘cock congregations’ outside the main lecture hall that a fellow student, Carlos, approached us with a somewhat unusual question.
Carlos: “Hey guys, how’s it going?”
Me: “Same old, same old. You know how it is.”
T-Money: “Like Seanny said. How about you?”
Carols: “Yeah me too. So… listen guys, I was thinking about this last night…
Would either of you suck another man’s dick for £1 million?”
Carlos: “It’s just a question. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything.”
T-Money: “Yeah but why would you ask that?”
Me: “AB-SO-LUTELY.” I didn’t hesitate for a second. At which point, the two of them and any listening bystanders went deadly silent and turned round to look at me.
T-Money: “Yeah Seanny, you did answer that awfully quickly.”
Me: “What’s the problem? It’s a no brainer as far as I can see. When the fuck am I going to see that kind of money? It’ll take years before I hit those kinds of earnings.” I was still of the mind-set that I would make it to Goldmans at that stage. “And that doesn’t even take tax into account. To receive £1m net you’d have to earn roughly £2m. This £1m is tax-free right Carlos?”
Carlos: “Err… not something I’d really thought about when I posed the question but yeah, I guess so.”
Me: “Ok great. So to confirm, I would definitely suck another man’s dick for £1m.” Cue general laughter and finger-pointing amongst the crowd.
Carlos: “And you?”
T-Money: “Hmm… Bear with me a second as I want to make sure that I’ve understood this correctly. If this mystery man receives a blowjob, you will give me £1m?”
Carlos: “Err… correct.”
T-Money: “Ok, I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d ring up Smithson and say…
Seanny, how would you like to make £50k?”
Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been Sean Smithson, he’s been T-Money and you’ve been fantastic.
By the way in case any of you were wondering, I would’ve actually said yes to T-Money if I had received that call. Though as things stand now, I’m fairly certain I would suck a man’s dick just for a Facebook ‘like’!
If you liked this then I suspect you might also enjoy my book. Or not.
Either way, thanks for reading; particularly to those of you who share these stories and/or leave comments.